First things first. It is finally football season, and nobody does it finer than the SEC! There's not a whole lot that makes me happier than college football. I love college football like a fat kid loves cake. I can say that too, cause I've been the fat kid and I still like cake. :)
I think I mentioned this obsession before, but in case you want to know what I do all day on Saturdays this time of year...
To completely shift gears...
I am emotionally, physically and spiritually worn out. Worn. Out.
But I've never felt better. Or worse. All at the same time. Makes no sense, I know. That's usually how it goes when God decides that He's going to make some changes in you - whether you like it or not. :)
I've been kindly reminded by a sweet friend that I tend to be a bit...well...wordy. So I'm going to cut to the chase and call it a day.
- Consider yourself immeasureably blessed if you are allowed to see the "why" of God's timing. It doesn't often happen that way, and to be able to witness it is nothing short of awe-inspiring.
- Getting to see the "why" is maybe the only way you'll ever understand what grace really looks like and why God has allowed you to go through things that, up to this point, made no sense. There is no limit on how far He will go to make sure we understand it - grace - and how much it affects our ability to LET HIM LOVE US.
- Change hurts. Can't get around it. Change has to hurt, otherwise, it's just temporary.
- Loving God and how God loves me is embarrassingly different than I've limited it to be up until this point.
- Whatever good you've been taught to believe He is...He's better.
- Whatever grace you think He possesses....there's more.
- Whatever love you think He has for anyone...it's devastatingly stronger than any petty limit you've ever put on it.
- Never underestimate the lengths God will go to free you from things you never thought you'd be free of. Don't underestimate who He'll use to help with that, either.
- When you come across those rare friends that love you in spite of yourself - that love you when you are your most unloveable - that are consistent because they know you need that consistency more than you know you do - don't take them for granted. And when God uses them to get to you, tell them so.
- Be that friend to somebody.
That was still pretty wordy, huh? Those of you that know me well know how wordy it COULD have been - so somebody give me my gold star. :)
I'm not wonderful at updating this thing much, so that's what's been happening. Football and a big ol' come to Jesus meeting. Both desperately needed. :)
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Too much honesty is not necessarily a fabulous thing...just sayin..
I'm a really inconsistant blogger, no?
Probably a good thing, given that if I blogged everytime I wanted to and said what I was thinking, I'd be seriously disliked.
And for those of you smarty pants that are thinking so, yes, even more so than normal. Brats. :)
I'm feeling the need to write randomly, so here goes. Use the red x at the top of the page if you need to. :)
* I am not good at awkward. I laugh at awkward, and I enjoy laughing at the expense of other's awkwardness, but I'm not all that good at it myself. Just ask the various people that got hugged as a result of an awkward yesterday. Several of those probably wanted to punch me in the mouth, but it's kinda hard to punch someone in the mouth that just hugged you. Right? Works for me.
* Yeah, I'm not good at awkward.
* Completely unrelated to the above (seriously), my willpower is a whole lot stronger than it used to be. Part of being an adult is the realization and acceptance of the fact that you just can't have everything you want, when you want it. That is an elementary statement, I know. But actively living it is an accomplishment in certain areas. For me, anyway.
* People that turn right suddenly without using their blinker deserve to be rear-ended. If I could afford it, I'd do it. Just for spite.
* I told you this was random
* I have wasted 31 3/4 years of my life resisting the actual, true meaning of grace. I won't waste one minute more.
* I bench-pressed (and I use that term very loosely) 65lbs TWICE the other day and was pretty proud of it. You steroid using strong people laugh it up.
* I also recently made Michael Drager hold a punching bag at the gym while I had an Irish fit. He will hate me for mentioning his name here (he prefers not to admit that he's my friend) and he will also hate me for telling you that he told me afterwards that he wouldn't want to get in a fight with me.
* Talking about Michael makes me automatically think of Julie, his wife, who has absolutely no idea how much she means to me. Never in my life have I known someone that can tell me they love me and tell me how hideous I am acting in the same sentence. And then proceed to stand by me without question, or hesitation, and be proud to be my friend. I only hope someday I can make someone else feel as special as she makes me feel.
* It chaws me just a little bit that she bench pressed 65lbs 3 times as opposed to my two. And for honesty's sake, I screamed and cursed through the second time, and basically had to save my own life, as Michael was ready, willing and able to just let the bar fall on my neck and crush me. Pretty sure he was thinking about how much quieter his life would be.
* Despite my competitive nature, I will concede that Julie Anne Drager could kick my arse at any given time. I live in fear.
* I've talked enough about the Dragers. Good grief. They will think they are special or something.
* I just finished the book "Ragamuffin Gospel". If you haven't read it, please do. It has turned my life upside down.
* I am loved. Never been more sure of it in my life. Loved in the RIGHT way. In SPITE of my flaws, my imperfections and my really annoying tendancies. And there are many. Of all of the aforementioned.
* I'm loved by some people that society had deemed unloveable. People that most of society will walk on the other side of the street to avoid. People that I am unworthy of washing the feet of. People that have valued me when I haven't valued myself. I am actually LOVED by people that spent their recent birthday sleeping under an overpass. People that aren't sure if they are ever going to have a home to call their own. People that are deemed "the least of these", but are actually the greatest in my book.
* I'm going to be ok. And I believe it. I'm a fast-forward through the rough parts kind of girl, and I am learning the beauty of embracing exactly where I am and what I can learn from it. That may sound like a very obvious course of action for most people, but it's a mental and physical decision for me, and I'm going to go ahead and be proud of myself for it.
* I really hate sit-ups. I curse when I have to do them. Sometimes I repent. For the cursing.
* I am beyond humbled, happy, floored by the fact that even after all these years, God has waited patiently by while I've fumbled my way through what a relationship with Him can look like. I can't begin to tell you what freedom I've found in being able to express e.v.e.r.y. thought, emotion, frustration, whatever. He's bigger than any of it. No matter what I throw at Him, even when I sit back and eye Him and ask, "Yeah, so You still love me after THAT?!!) The answer is yes. A million times yes. For the first time in my ENTIRE life, I'm understanding what having The Best Friend means. It's not cheezy, or Sunday school. It's real. It's honest. He made me. He knows I cuss. He knows I fail every single stinking day. And He loves me anyway. Not only does He love me. He chases me. ME! He comes after me relentlessly. I'm blown away by that. The lengths He goes to to convince me of my value are INSANE!
*Despite the above - I'm not going to lie and tell you that I'm on some big spiritual high. I'm not. What I am, is at the end of this day, ready and willing to start a new one. That's not something I felt when I woke up. So I'm going to give credit where credit is due and say that there's something supernatural about making it when you don't think you can, or don't think you want to.
* I still don't like vegetables.
* That's all for now.
*That's a really lame way to end a post.
Probably a good thing, given that if I blogged everytime I wanted to and said what I was thinking, I'd be seriously disliked.
And for those of you smarty pants that are thinking so, yes, even more so than normal. Brats. :)
I'm feeling the need to write randomly, so here goes. Use the red x at the top of the page if you need to. :)
* I am not good at awkward. I laugh at awkward, and I enjoy laughing at the expense of other's awkwardness, but I'm not all that good at it myself. Just ask the various people that got hugged as a result of an awkward yesterday. Several of those probably wanted to punch me in the mouth, but it's kinda hard to punch someone in the mouth that just hugged you. Right? Works for me.
* Yeah, I'm not good at awkward.
* Completely unrelated to the above (seriously), my willpower is a whole lot stronger than it used to be. Part of being an adult is the realization and acceptance of the fact that you just can't have everything you want, when you want it. That is an elementary statement, I know. But actively living it is an accomplishment in certain areas. For me, anyway.
* People that turn right suddenly without using their blinker deserve to be rear-ended. If I could afford it, I'd do it. Just for spite.
* I told you this was random
* I have wasted 31 3/4 years of my life resisting the actual, true meaning of grace. I won't waste one minute more.
* I bench-pressed (and I use that term very loosely) 65lbs TWICE the other day and was pretty proud of it. You steroid using strong people laugh it up.
* I also recently made Michael Drager hold a punching bag at the gym while I had an Irish fit. He will hate me for mentioning his name here (he prefers not to admit that he's my friend) and he will also hate me for telling you that he told me afterwards that he wouldn't want to get in a fight with me.
* Talking about Michael makes me automatically think of Julie, his wife, who has absolutely no idea how much she means to me. Never in my life have I known someone that can tell me they love me and tell me how hideous I am acting in the same sentence. And then proceed to stand by me without question, or hesitation, and be proud to be my friend. I only hope someday I can make someone else feel as special as she makes me feel.
* It chaws me just a little bit that she bench pressed 65lbs 3 times as opposed to my two. And for honesty's sake, I screamed and cursed through the second time, and basically had to save my own life, as Michael was ready, willing and able to just let the bar fall on my neck and crush me. Pretty sure he was thinking about how much quieter his life would be.
* Despite my competitive nature, I will concede that Julie Anne Drager could kick my arse at any given time. I live in fear.
* I've talked enough about the Dragers. Good grief. They will think they are special or something.
* I just finished the book "Ragamuffin Gospel". If you haven't read it, please do. It has turned my life upside down.
* I am loved. Never been more sure of it in my life. Loved in the RIGHT way. In SPITE of my flaws, my imperfections and my really annoying tendancies. And there are many. Of all of the aforementioned.
* I'm loved by some people that society had deemed unloveable. People that most of society will walk on the other side of the street to avoid. People that I am unworthy of washing the feet of. People that have valued me when I haven't valued myself. I am actually LOVED by people that spent their recent birthday sleeping under an overpass. People that aren't sure if they are ever going to have a home to call their own. People that are deemed "the least of these", but are actually the greatest in my book.
* I'm going to be ok. And I believe it. I'm a fast-forward through the rough parts kind of girl, and I am learning the beauty of embracing exactly where I am and what I can learn from it. That may sound like a very obvious course of action for most people, but it's a mental and physical decision for me, and I'm going to go ahead and be proud of myself for it.
* I really hate sit-ups. I curse when I have to do them. Sometimes I repent. For the cursing.
* I am beyond humbled, happy, floored by the fact that even after all these years, God has waited patiently by while I've fumbled my way through what a relationship with Him can look like. I can't begin to tell you what freedom I've found in being able to express e.v.e.r.y. thought, emotion, frustration, whatever. He's bigger than any of it. No matter what I throw at Him, even when I sit back and eye Him and ask, "Yeah, so You still love me after THAT?!!) The answer is yes. A million times yes. For the first time in my ENTIRE life, I'm understanding what having The Best Friend means. It's not cheezy, or Sunday school. It's real. It's honest. He made me. He knows I cuss. He knows I fail every single stinking day. And He loves me anyway. Not only does He love me. He chases me. ME! He comes after me relentlessly. I'm blown away by that. The lengths He goes to to convince me of my value are INSANE!
*Despite the above - I'm not going to lie and tell you that I'm on some big spiritual high. I'm not. What I am, is at the end of this day, ready and willing to start a new one. That's not something I felt when I woke up. So I'm going to give credit where credit is due and say that there's something supernatural about making it when you don't think you can, or don't think you want to.
* I still don't like vegetables.
* That's all for now.
*That's a really lame way to end a post.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Schooled
I got straight up schooled by God this week. Taken out behind the woodshed. Skunked.
And it was awesome. In a terrible way. Makes sense, right? If it doesn't, it will at some point in your life. Trust me. Fasten your seatbelt and put your big kid underwear on, too - cause it.ain't.no.joke.
I'm not sure I even have words to describe this week. (ok, I always have words. i'm wordy. kind of. a lot.)
It kind of went like this:
God, I am hurting so bad, about so many things, all at once.
I know. Do you love Me more?
Of course I love You more, but I need Your comfort and peace right this second. Seriously, God - FIX IT!
I know what you need. And by the way, do you love Me more?
Why aren't You answering me? It's mean! I don't mean that, God. Yes I do. Why are you being silent? I'm finally willing to listen, why aren't You saying anything?!
We'll do this on My time-table, ok skippy? Do you love Me more than what you're hurting about?
Am I going to hell if I admit that I've loved a lot of things more than I've loved You?
Funny how you forget a little thing called OMNICIENCE. Do you want to love Me more than the rest
of it?
Well, that's how I interpret this week in a nutshell. This week that's felt like a lifetime. This week that has simultaneously made me feel alone but not, lost but found, unworthy but chosen.
Today, God gave me a brief moment of joy that came from Him and only Him. It's been a long time since I can say that the joy I've felt came just from Him. That's sad. But it gives me a great hope that He's going to show me what joy CAN be.
I have a long road ahead of me. I doubt I am even a fraction further along after this week, but I know I am turned in the right direction. I know I am loved by the only One who knows what real love is. I know I am infinitely flawed, but redeemable. I know that God loves me enough to allow pain, knowing that I would probably continue down the same road if He didn't.
I'd love to say that I'm riding this big spiritual high as a result of this recent beginning of understanding. I'm not. I'm putting one foot in front of the other and fully expect to end up flat on my face many more times.
But I love Him more. And that's a start.
And it was awesome. In a terrible way. Makes sense, right? If it doesn't, it will at some point in your life. Trust me. Fasten your seatbelt and put your big kid underwear on, too - cause it.ain't.no.joke.
I'm not sure I even have words to describe this week. (ok, I always have words. i'm wordy. kind of. a lot.)
It kind of went like this:
God, I am hurting so bad, about so many things, all at once.
I know. Do you love Me more?
Of course I love You more, but I need Your comfort and peace right this second. Seriously, God - FIX IT!
I know what you need. And by the way, do you love Me more?
Why aren't You answering me? It's mean! I don't mean that, God. Yes I do. Why are you being silent? I'm finally willing to listen, why aren't You saying anything?!
We'll do this on My time-table, ok skippy? Do you love Me more than what you're hurting about?
Am I going to hell if I admit that I've loved a lot of things more than I've loved You?
Funny how you forget a little thing called OMNICIENCE. Do you want to love Me more than the rest
of it?
Well, that's how I interpret this week in a nutshell. This week that's felt like a lifetime. This week that has simultaneously made me feel alone but not, lost but found, unworthy but chosen.
Today, God gave me a brief moment of joy that came from Him and only Him. It's been a long time since I can say that the joy I've felt came just from Him. That's sad. But it gives me a great hope that He's going to show me what joy CAN be.
I have a long road ahead of me. I doubt I am even a fraction further along after this week, but I know I am turned in the right direction. I know I am loved by the only One who knows what real love is. I know I am infinitely flawed, but redeemable. I know that God loves me enough to allow pain, knowing that I would probably continue down the same road if He didn't.
I'd love to say that I'm riding this big spiritual high as a result of this recent beginning of understanding. I'm not. I'm putting one foot in front of the other and fully expect to end up flat on my face many more times.
But I love Him more. And that's a start.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Chosen
God seems to be bringing up the word "choice" a lot with me lately. A lot. I am just a little bit (a lot) stubborn, so I've pushed that still small Voice away because listening would mean I would have to do things Somebody else's way; not something this chick is always (ever) willing to do.
Because I CHOSE not to listen, a lot of my comfort and complacency was yanked out from under me and sent me into a frantic rush to grab onto those things - like pry my cold dead fingers from those things. :)
In the middle of my ginormous hissy fit and self doubt and just plain freaking out, He turned my face and made me look at Him.
He. Chose. Me.
He. Chooses. Me.
Every time.
Every. Single. Time.
He chooses me each and every time that I choose something other than Him. He'll never stop choosing me.
I deserve nothing. He gives me everything anyway. I can't get over that fact, and I don't want to get over it.
I am aware that I am stating the fairly obvious; just can't keep my mouth shut about it. :)
Because I CHOSE not to listen, a lot of my comfort and complacency was yanked out from under me and sent me into a frantic rush to grab onto those things - like pry my cold dead fingers from those things. :)
In the middle of my ginormous hissy fit and self doubt and just plain freaking out, He turned my face and made me look at Him.
He. Chose. Me.
He. Chooses. Me.
Every time.
Every. Single. Time.
He chooses me each and every time that I choose something other than Him. He'll never stop choosing me.
I deserve nothing. He gives me everything anyway. I can't get over that fact, and I don't want to get over it.
I am aware that I am stating the fairly obvious; just can't keep my mouth shut about it. :)
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
And....she's back
It's been awhile, no?
Lots and lots of things happening in life. Still trying to get my balance. Some of it I just don't feel right blogging about, so I won't. Those of you that know the situation; your prayers are coveted.
Moving on...I want to share a conversation that I had with my dad the other day. He will probably ground me for making this public - but there are some things that just have to be shared:
I called my dad and asked him "what are you up to?"
Dad: well, actually, I'm sitting on the pot right now
Me: um. ok, well...call me back when you're...done.
Dad: oh, it's ok, I can talk.
Me: No
People. That is funny stuff. Disturbing, but funny.
Ok. I'll try to update this more often. Just in case the three of you that read this miss me.
:)
Lots and lots of things happening in life. Still trying to get my balance. Some of it I just don't feel right blogging about, so I won't. Those of you that know the situation; your prayers are coveted.
Moving on...I want to share a conversation that I had with my dad the other day. He will probably ground me for making this public - but there are some things that just have to be shared:
I called my dad and asked him "what are you up to?"
Dad: well, actually, I'm sitting on the pot right now
Me: um. ok, well...call me back when you're...done.
Dad: oh, it's ok, I can talk.
Me: No
People. That is funny stuff. Disturbing, but funny.
Ok. I'll try to update this more often. Just in case the three of you that read this miss me.
:)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Super Blogger
So...I had such great intentions for keeping up with a blog.
You think I could hire a "ghost blogger"? For real. I will hire you.
We are supposed to get maybe a foot of snow tomorrow. I remember when I used to like snow. Now, I'm old and cranky and wouldn't care if it never snowed again. I'm pretty prepared as far as food is concerned. Priorities, people. I'm never prepared for possibly spending a few days w/o power, with 3 kids, and no way out. I love my children.
And because I was raised right, I made sure they are all wearing clean underwear. You know...in case we all freeze to death, we at least have clean underwear on. Again, priorities.
On a serious note, please remember the folks that don't have a warm place to sleep tonight. There are more people in NWA than you'd think that will struggle to find shelter in this storm. Thank God for your warm bed and roof over your head.
That's an order.
:)
You think I could hire a "ghost blogger"? For real. I will hire you.
We are supposed to get maybe a foot of snow tomorrow. I remember when I used to like snow. Now, I'm old and cranky and wouldn't care if it never snowed again. I'm pretty prepared as far as food is concerned. Priorities, people. I'm never prepared for possibly spending a few days w/o power, with 3 kids, and no way out. I love my children.
And because I was raised right, I made sure they are all wearing clean underwear. You know...in case we all freeze to death, we at least have clean underwear on. Again, priorities.
On a serious note, please remember the folks that don't have a warm place to sleep tonight. There are more people in NWA than you'd think that will struggle to find shelter in this storm. Thank God for your warm bed and roof over your head.
That's an order.
:)
Monday, October 25, 2010
Did you know?
Did you know....
that the car line at school makes me want to pull my hair out. One strand at a time. People. It doesn't take 5 1/2 minutes to tell your kids to have a good day. Open the door and toss em out. Works for mine. :)
that cereal tastes best at night. Fact.
that Crayola cannot throw any product at me that I cannot get out of the fabric on my couches. Or the beds. Seriously, if it can be drawn on in this house, it has been. 452,000 times.
that I HATE to shop, unless it's Hobby Lobby....I could spend all day there. Not sure why. I'm not even crafty. I can knit though. Scarves. Plain ones.
that I want to go to NYC so bad I can't see straight. Except that I'm kind of (a lot) claustrophobic, which might not be conducive with the 8 million people that walk on the sidewalk all at the same time. Touching. Shudder.
that college football makes me happier than food. and I think we all know how happy food makes me.
And that, people, is some Monday random for you.
You're welcome.
that the car line at school makes me want to pull my hair out. One strand at a time. People. It doesn't take 5 1/2 minutes to tell your kids to have a good day. Open the door and toss em out. Works for mine. :)
that cereal tastes best at night. Fact.
that Crayola cannot throw any product at me that I cannot get out of the fabric on my couches. Or the beds. Seriously, if it can be drawn on in this house, it has been. 452,000 times.
that I HATE to shop, unless it's Hobby Lobby....I could spend all day there. Not sure why. I'm not even crafty. I can knit though. Scarves. Plain ones.
that I want to go to NYC so bad I can't see straight. Except that I'm kind of (a lot) claustrophobic, which might not be conducive with the 8 million people that walk on the sidewalk all at the same time. Touching. Shudder.
that college football makes me happier than food. and I think we all know how happy food makes me.
And that, people, is some Monday random for you.
You're welcome.
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