I'm a really inconsistant blogger, no?
Probably a good thing, given that if I blogged everytime I wanted to and said what I was thinking, I'd be seriously disliked.
And for those of you smarty pants that are thinking so, yes, even more so than normal. Brats. :)
I'm feeling the need to write randomly, so here goes. Use the red x at the top of the page if you need to. :)
* I am not good at awkward. I laugh at awkward, and I enjoy laughing at the expense of other's awkwardness, but I'm not all that good at it myself. Just ask the various people that got hugged as a result of an awkward yesterday. Several of those probably wanted to punch me in the mouth, but it's kinda hard to punch someone in the mouth that just hugged you. Right? Works for me.
* Yeah, I'm not good at awkward.
* Completely unrelated to the above (seriously), my willpower is a whole lot stronger than it used to be. Part of being an adult is the realization and acceptance of the fact that you just can't have everything you want, when you want it. That is an elementary statement, I know. But actively living it is an accomplishment in certain areas. For me, anyway.
* People that turn right suddenly without using their blinker deserve to be rear-ended. If I could afford it, I'd do it. Just for spite.
* I told you this was random
* I have wasted 31 3/4 years of my life resisting the actual, true meaning of grace. I won't waste one minute more.
* I bench-pressed (and I use that term very loosely) 65lbs TWICE the other day and was pretty proud of it. You steroid using strong people laugh it up.
* I also recently made Michael Drager hold a punching bag at the gym while I had an Irish fit. He will hate me for mentioning his name here (he prefers not to admit that he's my friend) and he will also hate me for telling you that he told me afterwards that he wouldn't want to get in a fight with me.
* Talking about Michael makes me automatically think of Julie, his wife, who has absolutely no idea how much she means to me. Never in my life have I known someone that can tell me they love me and tell me how hideous I am acting in the same sentence. And then proceed to stand by me without question, or hesitation, and be proud to be my friend. I only hope someday I can make someone else feel as special as she makes me feel.
* It chaws me just a little bit that she bench pressed 65lbs 3 times as opposed to my two. And for honesty's sake, I screamed and cursed through the second time, and basically had to save my own life, as Michael was ready, willing and able to just let the bar fall on my neck and crush me. Pretty sure he was thinking about how much quieter his life would be.
* Despite my competitive nature, I will concede that Julie Anne Drager could kick my arse at any given time. I live in fear.
* I've talked enough about the Dragers. Good grief. They will think they are special or something.
* I just finished the book "Ragamuffin Gospel". If you haven't read it, please do. It has turned my life upside down.
* I am loved. Never been more sure of it in my life. Loved in the RIGHT way. In SPITE of my flaws, my imperfections and my really annoying tendancies. And there are many. Of all of the aforementioned.
* I'm loved by some people that society had deemed unloveable. People that most of society will walk on the other side of the street to avoid. People that I am unworthy of washing the feet of. People that have valued me when I haven't valued myself. I am actually LOVED by people that spent their recent birthday sleeping under an overpass. People that aren't sure if they are ever going to have a home to call their own. People that are deemed "the least of these", but are actually the greatest in my book.
* I'm going to be ok. And I believe it. I'm a fast-forward through the rough parts kind of girl, and I am learning the beauty of embracing exactly where I am and what I can learn from it. That may sound like a very obvious course of action for most people, but it's a mental and physical decision for me, and I'm going to go ahead and be proud of myself for it.
* I really hate sit-ups. I curse when I have to do them. Sometimes I repent. For the cursing.
* I am beyond humbled, happy, floored by the fact that even after all these years, God has waited patiently by while I've fumbled my way through what a relationship with Him can look like. I can't begin to tell you what freedom I've found in being able to express e.v.e.r.y. thought, emotion, frustration, whatever. He's bigger than any of it. No matter what I throw at Him, even when I sit back and eye Him and ask, "Yeah, so You still love me after THAT?!!) The answer is yes. A million times yes. For the first time in my ENTIRE life, I'm understanding what having The Best Friend means. It's not cheezy, or Sunday school. It's real. It's honest. He made me. He knows I cuss. He knows I fail every single stinking day. And He loves me anyway. Not only does He love me. He chases me. ME! He comes after me relentlessly. I'm blown away by that. The lengths He goes to to convince me of my value are INSANE!
*Despite the above - I'm not going to lie and tell you that I'm on some big spiritual high. I'm not. What I am, is at the end of this day, ready and willing to start a new one. That's not something I felt when I woke up. So I'm going to give credit where credit is due and say that there's something supernatural about making it when you don't think you can, or don't think you want to.
* I still don't like vegetables.
* That's all for now.
*That's a really lame way to end a post.
